MATTHEW: Well, it's about time really.
P: Yeah, you think so?
M: Definitely. They've been crap for the last few year really. That's just my opinion. OK?
Next victim:
P: Excuse me. You've got a loveless T Shirt on, My Bloody Valentine. What did you think about that band that were on ages ago called something about shineless shine or something
JIMMY: Secret Shine! Yeah I thought they were rockin'. They were pretty cool.
P: They were a bit like My Bloody Valentine, do you not think?
J: They were, but that's no bad thing.
P: Yeah, that's what I think as well. Definitely.
Someone else:
P: Excuse me! What do you think about Sarah Records stopping?
DARWIN: Ah?
P: What do you think about Sarah Records stopping after 100 releases?
D: Well, I think it's kind of sad but kind of good because I'll tell you a story about George Sanders, yeah?
P: Go on then.
D: George Sanders, the actor in things like Rebecca, is the original Falcon before Tom Conway's brother took over. Well him and David Niven were like young actors, when they were about 21. In the Moons of Balloon David Niven tells this story about George Sanders and George says "When I'm 65 I'm going to kill myself" and when George Sanders got to 65 he did, and his reason was he was bored. So I think that determining your end and then actually realising it is a very good thing to do.
In the middle of the dance floor there is a guy with an internet T-shirt.
P: Excuse me! My brother says you're an internet guy. What does that mean?
PETER THE GERMAN: This?
P: Yeah. You've got some indiepop at eskimo dot com
PG: It's a mailing list on the internet where people talk about indiepop
P: Indiepop on the internet! What about it?
PG: All sort of indiepop. All kinds of bands what we like and we review records and talk about..
P: So is it worthwhile?
PG: Yeah.
P: Yeah? You think so?
PG: Sure.
P: Where are you from?
PG: I'm German.
P: And you're here to see the end of Sarah Records?
PG: I am because I like Sarah for seven years so I had to be here. Also there are plenty other people from the internet here I write to every day.
P: Do you know Scott Zimmerman?
PG: Yeah. I don't know him personally but I know what he's doing on the internet.
P: Do you know where he is? He's here tonight.
PG: I don't know if he's here.
P: He is, he's supposed to be here.
PG: I haven't seen him here.
P: We were supposed to meet him but we don't know where he is. My brother is like sort of on the internet and he's written to Scott Zimmerman before, and we're supposed to meet him here tonight but we cant find him.
PG: I don't know him by sight. There are some Americans here. There are five or six Americans here, but i don't think anyone knows them.
Up the stairs.
P: Er, are you a transvestite then?
DEAN: No, I'm just a happy shopper.
P: A happy shopper.
D: A gorgeous sex symbol.
P: And what are you wearing at the moment?
GIRL: He is *gorgeous*.
D: Thankyou.
P: What are you wearing at the moment?
D: Just something I threw on this afternoon. A white fur coat. Black fishnets, and a PVC minidress.
P: Excellent. Well I'd ask you some more interesting questions but I can't think of any.
D: Ask me about pop music.
P: What about pop music, then?
D: I hate it.
P: You hate it. What do you like?
D: Gorgeous exciting things.
P: Like what?
D: Myself.
P: Yourself. What do you think about Sarah Records stopping after 100 releases?
D: It's 100 releases too much.
P: Well why the fuck are you here then?
D: I'm here to annoy people, to look gorgeous and exciting and provocative.
P: Excellent.
D: And all the horrible indie kids who need to be shot. And tortured aggressively. And they need good taste in music which none of them have here tonight.
P: Well what sort of bands do you like?
D: Sweet noisy punk rock bands who look good on stage and ..er.. are good in bed. Name me one Sarah band who are good in bed.
P: Well I don't know any Sarah bands apart from Heavenly.
D: Oh well they are wonderful in bed, probably.
P: But i'm sure...
D: Well the thing about Heavenly, let the truth be told, the others can go die horrible meaningless deaths because they're rubbish. But Heavenly are wonderful. They're really pop music and sexy and yeah.
Dean points us towards someone famous and popular.
P: Are you famous, or popular or something?
CLARE: Am I famous? Or popular? Nah!
P: You're not?
C: No.
P: C'mon you must be. You are.
C: A little bit.
P: You run a record label, C'mon.
C: Well I used to.
P: What was it called?
C: It was called Sarah but it's stopping tonight.
P: It was called called Sarah but it's stopping tonight! Amazing!
C: So I'm not famous or popular any more.
P: You're not? Ah ah a a ahurgh!
C: And was on my way to the toilet. but i got sidetracked.
P: So what made you want to start a record label up?
C: To start one??? ... can't remember.
P: So what makes you want to stop it if you can't remeber why you started it?
C: Well because I forgot why I started it so it's a damn good reason for stopping it, isn't it.
P: It is. Definitely. So what are you going to do..
C: I'm going to move to Paris.
P: You're going to move to Paris and do what? Be a bohemian?
C: Yeah. Get a garrett or loft. They have lofts in France, don't they?
GUY: Gites.
C: Gites? No, no not in Paris.
P: They have sheets in Paris. They have sheets.
C: Sheets!
P: Sheets! I don't know what that means.
C: Well he said gites. They're more like holiday cottages so I don't think you get them in towns.
P: Well thank you very much. What's your name?
C: My name's Clare. What's your name?
P: Clare from Sarah Records. My name's Peter. From ... kerph.. Edinburgh.
C: You sound nice and Scottish.
P: I am Scottish.
P: Well thanks a lot.
C: It's a pleasure.
We go downstairs. I point out someone famous to Pete.
P: Who are you? My brother says you're famous but who are you?
PETER MOMTCHILOFF: Eh? I don't think famous is the exact word. I play in Heavenly.
P: You play in Heavenly! And what instrument do you play in Heavenly?
PM: I play the guitar.
P: He plays the guitar! Excellent!
He looks at the tape recorder.
PM: It's not switched on.
P: It is, honestly.
PM: You nearly dropped it in the beer. That would have ruined it.
P: So what made you want to form a pop band and play pop songs in a band for a living?
PM: Don't know It was such a long time ago.
P: Do you do it for a living? Or do you do it as a hobby?
PM: No. I've got a job.
P: You've got a job as well. What do you do like for a job?
PM: I work for a publisher.
P: A publishing firm? Sort of books and stuff?
PM: Yeah.
P: Well.. what... Penguin?
PM: Yeah.
P: Penguin!
PM: Oh, no I thought you said P**. No not Penguin.
P: No not Penguin. Sorry. Well some other pengu..
GRAEME: Ask him about Sarah records.
P: Sarah Records like ah..
PM: You're not going to be able to hear any of this.
P: No, I am. Well, shout into it. Sarah Records. What do you think about Sarah Records, the guy from Heavenly says.
PM: Well they've always been very good to us. But it's time for them to call a halt and do something different.
P: So what are you going to do after this.
PM: We'll do something else.
P: Like start your own record label or sign to someone else? Because you're fucking the biggest label.. the biggest band on Heavenly records.
PM: The world is our oyster.
P: You're fucking right. Definitely. Excellent.
Downstairs looking for trouble.
P: Hey I met you earlier on and you like the Pastels.
CRAIG: Yeah.
P: And you like Sarah records. Why?
C: Well all the music is sort of nice and ...
P: What do you think about them stopping their label.
C: It was all a bit similar until a few years ago and then it all got a bit different. Boyracer changed it all.
P: Are you disappointed that they stopped.
C: Well, yeah
We hear David Gedge is in the area.
P: DAVID GEDGE WHERE ARE YOU YOU BASTARD???
P: Have you seen David Gedge about?
BLOKE: No
P: You've not. You have a Blur t-shirt on. Do you like Blur?
B: Yeah.
P: Why are you at Sarah Records last ever gig?
B: Just with a mate. A mate of mine got a free ticket and said just come along just to see Heavenly really. That's the only reason why I'm here.
Back upstairs again.
P: Excuse me.
BLOKE IN THE CORNER ON HIS OWN: Piss off.
P: What do you think about Sarah Records stopping?
B: Just piss off please. PISS OFF.
P: Yeah? No c'mon, you must have some view about Sarah Records?
B: No no no. No I haven't.
P: You haven't?
B: Take that away before I stick it up your arse.
P: Oh c'mon, you can't be that sort of uh inhibited.
B: Fuck off.
P: Please. C'mon just say something nice about Sarah Records or why you're here.
B: No.
P: Please.
B: No.
P: I'll buy you a drink.
B: No.
P: Aw.
Pete needs a piss.
P: What's you're name?
ANTOINE: Antoine from Nottingham.
P: Antoine. Doing a piss. But you have seen David Gedge?
A: I have seen David Gedge but it was pheurgh, must have been an hour ago now. He was off to the bar for a pint. And who are you?
P: I'm Peter from Edinburgh.
A: How you doing?
P: I'd shake your hand, but you know how it is.
A: It's all right, they're dry. I'm doing my best.
P: I would trust you but ... wahoo.. you know how it is in the toilets.
On the landing.
P: Excuse me, are you Scottish?
SCOTS BLOKE: Aye.
P: What are you doing down in Bristol?
SB: In Bristol? Fuck knows.
P: What did you come and see Sarah Records last thing for?
SB: Oh aye, Sarah Records last eh ever gig sort of thing.
P: Ending their record label and stuff.
SB: Well record labels are what? Just another record label, y'know. I heard it's a buy-over. I heard Sony have come in for them and they've sold out. That's what I've heard.
At the front, we go looking for Scott Zimmerman.
P: Excuse me. What do you think of Sarah Records stopping after 100 releases?
JB: What do we think of..
P: Yeah, stopping.
JB: It's very sad. It's the saddest day since the 8th of December 1980.
P: You what?
JB: It is the saddest day since the death of John Lennon.
P: So where are you from?
JB: France.
P: And you really like Sarah Records.
JB: Of course!
Still looking for Scott and Davie Gedge.
P: Excuse me. Have you seen David Gedge?
CHRIS: Yeah. He was over there but he's gone now. He might be upstairs. He's got a white T-shirt on, but he's definitely here. He looked gorgeous. Big and hairy and woah! Fantastic.
P: What do you think about Sarah Records stopping?
C: It's about time.
P: What are you doing here, then?
C: I've come to pay my final respects.
We go upstairs to look for David Gedge and find some people at a table.
GRAEME: What was the first Sarah record you ever bought?
BLOKE: The Orchids. I've got a habit.
P: Of what. Buying Orchids records or buying Sarah records?
B: That was a Sarah record. It was quite a while ago.
P: How many years ago was that?
B: About... seven years ago.
P: Seven years? Fucks sake! How long ago was Sarah Records started then, cos I havent got a clue.
B: I think they started about 1987.
P: And what age are you now?
B: 27.
P: And you've been buying Sarah records for 7 years?
B: On and off, yeah.
P: And you still like them, because you've bought this record Secret Shine.
B: It was only a quid.
P: Yeah I bought it as well.
GRAEME: There's a guy over there with a Jesse Garron and the Desperados T Shirt.
P: Are they from Edinburgh?
G: They are.
P: I'm from Edinburgh as well. Where are you from?
B: Originally from Dover, but I went to Bristol University so I have a bit of a soft spot for Sarah. I'm in Teesside at the moment.
David Gedge isn't here so we go back downstairs.
P: Can I record a conversation with you, by the way?
CLIVE: We're not really saying anything.
P: No well I'm looking for David Gedge and you look a bit like him.
C: I'm actually called Clive Gedge.
P: WHAT? Is your name Clive? Oh NO! That's totally spoiled the article. Anyway Clive, Clive Gedge, is that your actual name?
C: It's my nickname.
P: What is your second name?
C: Lamden.
P: Are you into Physics?
C: Actually yeah!
P: You are, physics, scientist?
C: No not really.
P: You do a PhD though? ho HO!
C: no, not a PhD.
P: Sorry I'm just talking crap. Clive. He's cool.
Then we bump into this girl we swapped fanzines with earlier. Everyone at the gig should have a copy of 'This August's Farewell Kiss'.
P: What is your name?
HEATHER: Heather.
P: Heather. From where?
H: [giggles]
P: You're pished Heather, aren't you?
H: Not at all, no.
P: You are. She's pished and she's pretending she's not. She met me at the bar and she can't remember my name, I'm afraid.
H: I'm Heather. From Derbyshire.
P: Derbyshire. What team do you support then, Heather. Who's going to win the Premier Division?
H: Man City.
P: Man City? They're pish this year. They're going to be pish.
H: Don't be nasty.
P: Sarah Records. What about Sarah Records?
H: Oasis!
P: Aye Oasis are cool they beat Blur no they didnae but they nearly. You know everyone tries to act cool, and you're not. Everyone tries to act sophisticated and you're not acting sophisticated, I'm afraid.
H: That's because I'm not.
P: Well everyone else tries to be. You might at least try.
H: Just listen.. just listen a minute will you. Please. All today I've had Krauts, Frogs, ...
P: Krauts and Frogs and you've eaten them all. I've had a Pizza. Raymond! How you doing Raymond?
H: Rodney.
P: Raymond sounds better. You should change your name.
RODNEY: Roddie.
P: RODDIE!
R: I feel great!
P: Have you seen David Gedge, by the way?
R: Yeah.
P: You have? Where the fuck is he, then? I'm trying to record him.
R: Red t-shirt. No white no red t-shirt.
Heather switches Petes tape recorder off because she realises we're recording her in a moment of weakness. I notice this and switch it back on.
P: C'mon. Heather's mum is Scottish. We will not say anything bad about her at all.
H: Och aye the noo.
P: Even though she hates us. Och aye the noo.
H: Och aye the noo.
P: She can say that really well.
R: She's properly half Scottish.
H: Och aye the nooooooo.
P: We're not going to take the crap out of her at all.
Heavenly start playing C is the Heavenly Option. coo-el. I stay and
listen, Pete hates Heavenly so he goes off to interview some more
people. Like Secret Shine.P: You're in the band Secret Shine.
GIRL: Och Aye.
P: Och aye the now. So what do you think about Sarah records stopping after 100 releases?
G: Oh no. I'm the worst person to ask.
P: You are?
G: No comment. I fell into the band but it's been going a long time on Sarah so maybe.
P: Ask that boy there?
G: That boy there, Jamie.
P: Jamie, eh hey. What do you think about Sarah records stopping after 100 releases? or so.
JAMIE: Eh, hang on can you stop it a second?
P: No I can't.
J: I've got to think of something.
DAVE: We think that doing a Take That cover is a much purer pop art statement, like doing a punk cover of a Take That song, than just stopping a record label.
P: Aye, well said. Is he your manager?
G: Yeeeeah!
P: So he's not in the band, then.
G: Nooooooo.
P: No. Have you seen David Gedge?
G: Yeaaaaaaah!
P: You have? Where is he?
G: He's over there.
D: Hes in a white T Shirt.
G: Just by the sound people.
P: Oh cool, I'll go see him then.
The moment of destiny.
P: David Gedge, what do you think about Sarah Records stopping after 100 releases?
DAVID GEDGE: It's a shame.
At the bar.
P: So you're the barmaid at the the Thekla in Bristol. What's your name?
JOANNE: Joanne. What's this for?
P: It's for a fanzine. Joanne. She's quite nice looking. She's a barmaid at the Thekla. So, em, Joanne, what do you think about Sarah records splitting up or stopping in Bristol? Do you feel it's a shame or do you not give a shit basically because you're just a barmaid?
J: I really don't give a shit. I didn't even know.
P: You didnt even know! You didn't even know??? YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW??????? That Sarah was stopping. So what sort of music are you into, then?
J: Techno.
P: Techno? So what sort of bands?
J: Techno. It's not really bands. DJs
P: DJs. What DJs are you into?
J: Well there's a very good Bristol group of DJs called Electric Orgasm.
P: Tricky. Tricky's from Bristol.
J: Yeah, and he's a bit of a prat.
P: Why do you not like twicky. Twicky? No sorry tricky.
J: He's a bit full of himself.
P: Yeah I suppose he is. 'Cos i've heard of him and i'm from Edinburgh. So he must be full of himself if he's gone that far. So, You like Techno DJs from Bristol. So what clubs do you go to in Bristol?
J: Well, I come down here sometimes.
P: You come down the Thekla even when you're not working?
J: Sometimes yeah, I get free drinks.
P: You get in for free because you're a barmaid or is it free all the time?
J: It's free because I'm a barmaid.
P: So you hate Heavenly then, who are playing at the moment?
J: No no, I've actually got one of Heavenly's songs.
P: Yeah? So you quite like them?
J: I was given it by someone from the Orchids.
P: Right. So you know the Orchids. You're friends with the Orchids.
J: Well I stayed with them once in Glasgow.
P: You stayed with them. Did you sleep with them?
J: No I slept with a friend.
P: Ach you slept with a friend. That's OK.
J: And a very nice friend he was as well.
P: Yeah. So how manly was he?
J: He was quite a man.
P: He was quite a sort of.
J: He was lovely.
P: A lovely man of a man.
J: What did you say this was for?
P: It's for a hardcore like sex magazine. No it's for a fanzine.
J: An indie fanzine.
P: Indie in the term alternative. Not a sort of Blur shit pop crap Oasis.
J: I don't really like this kind of indie, it's a bit happy go lucky.
P: Well alternative indie is quite good, commercial indie is shit in my view.
J: Yeah I like some indie but I don't like this.
P: I like some indie but I don't like this as well.
J: It's too sort of happy campers.
P: Yeah absolutely. Sarah Records is too full of twee effeminite crap if you ask me. But I shouldn't be saying that if I'm here. It's the last ever Sarah records thing.
J: Is it?
P: It's the split up party.
J: It is not.
P: Is so.
J: Well why isn't it Sarah Records' leaving party then?
P: It is. It's Sarah Records stopping party. One hundred records then they split up. This is the party.
J: Oh ho. Well I guess it's a shame really.
P: It is. Well they've given so many crap bands a chance. I suppose it is a shame. So Joanne. So do you want to get off with me Joanne?
J: Do I want to get off with you? Ha ha ha ha ha.
P: Em. I better go back to see my brother who is quite a fan of this gig.
J: Bye.
P: Em I love you, honestly Joanne. I'll come back to Bristol sometime and marry you. Honestly.
J: Really.
It is 2am. Pete later narrowly avoided being beaten up by this other drunk guy. We bought lots of records and had a nice time. Now isn't this the best article on Sarah Records you've ever read?
See also the Sarah 100 Party review.